Whom Should I Tell About My Estate Plan?

Creating an estate plan is typically a private matter, not something you share in detail with everyone in your life. After all, what you choose to do with your money and property is your business. Your partner might know what is in your plan, especially if you created it together. But beyond that, does anyone else really need to know?

The short answer is yes. There are good reasons for keeping certain aspects of your estate plan to yourself. However, if you keep too many details to yourself—or forget to keep others in the loop—your well-thought-out plan may not work the way you intended.

An estate plan cannot work if it is invisible. If no one knows that your plan exists or if no one can access your documents, it may as well not exist. Verbal promises carry no weight—simply telling someone about your goals and wishes is not enough. Your wishes must be properly documented.

A Tiered Approach to Divulging Your Plans

Keeping an estate plan private makes sense to an extent. That is why people often use a trust-based plan instead of a will-based plan: The latter is subject to the public probate process, and almost anyone can obtain court records of that process and learn details about you, your family, and what you owned at your death.

Within your family, you may keep your estate plan private to avoid drama and hurt feelings over who will play a role in your plan and who will receive your money and property at your death. Or you may worry that if word gets out about your plan, others’ opinions will sway your decisions. You may instead prefer to make rational, unemotional choices, removed from the competing voices of friends and family who stand to inherit.

While you absolutely have the right to keep your estate plan private, doing so is not always in your best interest. The real question then becomes how do you share something so personal without feeling like you are broadcasting it to the world?

The trick is knowing whom to tell what, when to tell them, why to tell them, and how to tell them. “Telling” someone can mean different things, from giving them copies of all your plan documents and keys to your digital vault to letting them know that they are named in the plan and whom to contact later for more details.

You might use a tiered communication approach that aims to put the right information in the right hands at the right time to prevent confusion, avoid family disputes, and create as little stress as possible for your trusted decision-makers and beneficiaries.

Tier One: Trusted Decision-Makers (Full Access)

Who: The people you have legally appointed to act on your behalf, including:

• your spouse or significant other (especially if you planned together, share joint accounts or property, or live in a community property state, or if you appointed them to one of the roles below, since they may need to act quickly or coordinate with other decision-makers)
• a personal representative or executor (carries out the terms of your will and oversees the probate process, if one is needed)
• a trustee and a successor trustee (manages accounts and property that were or will be funded into the trust according to your trust agreement)
• an agent under a financial power of attorney (handles your finances, either immediately or, in some cases, only if you are unable to manage them)
• an agent under a medical power of attorney (makes healthcare decisions if you cannot make them or communicate your wishes)
• a guardian for minor children (provides care for those who rely on you)

What: Enough information to act immediately and effectively, including:

• the location of your completed estate planning documents (will, trust, powers of attorney, healthcare directives), including where originals are kept and where copies or electronic versions can be found
• information on how to access these documents if the originals are stored somewhere such as in a safe deposit box or home safe
• a list of everything you own (including financial accounts, real property, business interests, digital assets)
• instructions for special property (for example, businesses, firearms, intellectual property, pets)
• digital storage location and credentials (secure cloud vault, encrypted drive) for any digital assets (emails, business documents, electronic financial accounts)
• contact information for your estate planning attorney
• your wishes and goals, including the choices you have made in your plan and how you want your decision-makers to carry out their responsibilities once they step into their role

You may decide that the agents named in your medical power of attorney are less likely to need detailed financial information. However, they should still know where to access your estate planning documents.

When:

• as soon as possible after you appoint them to the role
• any time you appoint new decision-makers or change the order in which you have appointed them to serve
• whenever you move your estate planning documents to store them in a new location
• periodically, to confirm that they are still willing and able to serve

Why:

• they cannot do their job if they do not know they have been appointed and how to access what they need
• delays in knowing or confusion about who is in charge and where your documents are located can cost money, result in unintended property damage, or cause unnecessary family stress and conflict

How:

• meet in person or via video to explain their role and your goals and desires
• provide a written “roadmap” with tasks they will need to perform, a list of everything you own, and key contacts (for example, your financial advisor, attorney, accountant, insurance agent, etc.)
• store digital copies securely and share controlled access with the relevant decision-makers
• confirm that they accept the role and understand the responsibilities

Tier Two: Primary Beneficiaries (Selective Access and Strategic Sharing)

Who: The individuals or entities you have chosen to inherit from you upon your passing, even if you have not appointed them to any decision-making role, such as:

• spouse or significant other
• children, grandchildren, or other relatives
• friends or nonrelatives
• charities or nonprofits
• religious institutions
• educational institutions

You may also choose to share your plans with loved ones who might expect an inheritance,  especially if you intend to leave them out, provide for them in other ways (for example, as a direct beneficiary of something or by providing funds to them during your lifetime), or give them less than others in similar relation to you. While the conversation may feel uncomfortable, addressing it now can prevent painful surprises later and ease the burden on your decision-makers and loved ones, who would otherwise be left without your explanation.

What:

• the nature of the gift (money, real estate, investments, personal property)
• any obligations attached to the inherited item (taxes, upkeep, management, legal restrictions)
• their right to refuse the gift (disclaim an inheritance), with the caution that the disclaimer must be made before they take ownership or control of the item

When:

• the sooner the better if the gift is complex, burdensome, or potentially unwanted
• more flexibility in timing if the gift is straightforward and unlikely to cause issues—but do not wait until it is too late

Why:

• prevents surprises that can cause stress or resentment
• allows time for the beneficiary to prepare for upkeep, sale, or management
• gives you a chance to reallocate gifts that might otherwise be refused

How:

• communicate in person, by phone, or in writing
• explain expectations or conditions attached to the gift
• for sensitive gifts (disinheritance, unequal shares, heirlooms, pets, business interests), consider having the conversation with your attorney present if you feel uncomfortable addressing it on your own or if you want to create a record of the discussion to demonstrate your intent and legal capacity in the event your plan is contested in the future

Failing to plan—and to clearly communicate your wishes—can have the following serious consequences for your estate:

• Safe deposit lockout. The executor cannot find your original will and believes it may be in your safe deposit box at the bank, but their name is not on the account, forcing a court order to open it.
• Forgotten password. Digital estate planning documents are stored in the cloud, but the account credentials were never shared, leaving files permanently inaccessible.
• Disappearing executor or successor trustee. Your named executor or successor trustee moved away years ago, changed phone numbers, and cannot be reached when needed, and you did not appoint a backup.
• Unwanted gift. You leave your classic car to a loved one who you know will treasure it as you did. However, they do not have the space or resources to maintain it and reluctantly refuse the gift. If you did not name a backup beneficiary, the car passes to your residuary beneficiaries, who may not value or appreciate it.
• Long-lost co-owner. If a vacation home left to a nephew is actually co-owned with a distant cousin, your nephew is forced into a joint ownership arrangement that leads to years of awkward and expensive disputes.
• The “final will” problem. Multiple unsigned drafts are found on the decedent’s desk, with no clear final version. Your loved ones are left to argue among themselves and in court over what your true intent was.

Legal Advice and Establishing a Need-to-Know Basis for Your Plan

Your death is more than an administrative process, but thinking about your estate plan in that way can inform practical choices that make wrapping up your estate smoother for everyone involved.

An estate plan works best when paired with a communication plan that shares the right amount of information with the right people at the appropriate time, balancing privacy with transparency and flexibility.

If you are unsure how to strike that balance, call Andre O. McDonald, a knowledgeable Howard County, Montgomery County and District of Columbia estate planning, special-needs planning and Medicaid planning attorney at (443) 741-1088; (301) 941-7809 or (202) 640-2133; or use the following link: https://www.mcdonaldesq.com/#contactWrapper to schedule a consultation to discuss your plan and devise the best strategy for informing your loved ones.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION POSTED ON THIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO CONVEY LEGAL, INSURANCE OR TAX ADVICE.